I was introduced to Michael Singer in 2012 through this interview with Oprah.

Early in the interview, Oprah asks Singer about “the voice in the head.”

His response captured my attention:

“[The voice in the head] is something we listen to on a regular basis, but the problem is we think it’s us…[It’s] something narrating and talking inside our head. That is not you.”

I thought, “Wait…The voice in my head isn’t me?”

This was a foreign concept to me.

I had been battling depression for 20 years at the time. It occurred to me that “the voice in my head” was likely to blame.

That voice wasn’t very kind, and the idea that the voice isn’t me felt liberating.

I knew I needed to learn more, so I purchased and read Singer’s first book, “The Untethered Soul.”

Takeaways from “The Untethered Soul”

When I read non-fiction books, I highlight or underline phrases or sentences that stick out to me.

When I read “The Untethered Soul,” I found myself highlighting the entire book!

I went back through my highlights after finishing the book and reduced them into several key takeaways:

YOU ARE NOT the events that happen in your life nor the thoughts and emotions that arise about the events. YOU ARE the one whom EXPERIENCES the events and OBSERVES the thoughts and emotions about the events.

Here’s how I visualize this concept:

I am hovering in the air, about 100 feet above my body, watching the events of my life unfold. I understand what’s happening, what my mind is thinking, and what my body is feeling, but I’m not bothered. I’m simply observing.

This imagery helps me feel at ease and more peaceful with whatever is happening in the moment.

The work is to become a master at the following process:

• Notice uncomfortable emotions when they arise.

• Become curious about the roots of those emotions.

• Relax and release the energy born from the uncomfortable emotions.

• Take whatever actions are necessary, if any, to deal with the situation.

• Become curious about what lessons you can learn from the situation.

I LOVE processes and systems!

This one provides a simple but effective way to solve any problem you encounter.

I often get stuck on step two. I notice emotions arise, but they consume me. The thought patterns that produced the emotion spin in my head obsessively, so I’m not able to relax and release and move onto steps four and five.

Curiosity is the key.

When I’m able to observe my emotions with curiosity, I detach from them and can then move through steps three, four, and five with ease.

Mantras:

• “Relax and release”

• “Be curious”

• “Leave the pendulum alone”

I’ve written these mantras on an index card that I keep with me at all times.

When I feel “off,” I take out the card and repeat the mantras. They help bring me back to the present moment.

The first two mantras come from the process I discussed above. I came up with the third on my own. Here’s an explanation:

A pendulum swings back and forth between two extremes. When left alone, it slows down and settles in the middle.

Similarly, my emotions and moods swing back and forth between extremes:

• Depression and mania

• Anxiety and indifference

• Fearful and careless

When I notice one of the extremes, visualizing the pendulum reminds me that I don’t need to “do” anything. Trying to “fix” my emotions often swing the pendulum to the other extreme.

Instead, if I let my emotions be and leave them alone, they will settle in the middle.

Takeaways from “The Surrender Experiment”

I loved “The Untethered Soul” so much that I knew I had to read Singer’s second book, “The Surrender Experiment.”

If you haven’t read any of his books, I recommend reading this one first because it’s autobiographical and gives context about how Singer learned the concepts and principles he discusses in “The Untethered Soul.”

In the book, Singer details his journey through life after deciding to “surrender” to whatever the universe puts in front of him. Among many other events, Singer discusses:

• A solo trip to Mexico

• Teaching at a university

• Introducing meditation to prisoners

• Building a computer software company

• Living out of his van for a period of time

• Building a spiritual haven called “The Temple of the Universe”

Here are my key takeaways from the book:

We can’t fully control what happens to us, but we can control how we interpret what happens and how we respond.

The best you can do is INFLUENCE what happens. You can’t CONTROL what happens.

You can leave 15 minutes early for an appointment, for example, to INFLUENCE arriving on time, but you can’t actually control whether you ACTUALLY arrive on time. You might run into unexpected traffic, blow a tire, or get into a fender bender.

You CAN control, however, how you interpret and respond to what happens.

If you leave 15 minutes early for an appointment and run into unexpected traffic, you can honk the horn and throw a fit, or you can practice deep breathing to calm your emotions and call ahead to let someone know you will be late.

You don’t have to believe everything you think.

The ability to think separates humans from other species.

The mind is an incredible tool that allows you to analyze, diagnose, and solve complex problems.

You run into trouble, however, when you believe every thought that pops into your mind:

• He is so stupid

• I’m a terrible person

• I’m not good enough

• That person is an asshole

• I’m right and they are wrong

Snap judgments and labels like these are rarely accurate (or fully accurate).

It’s good practice to distance yourself from thoughts like these until you have all the facts.

There’s nothing wrong with setting goals and planning to achieve specific outcomes, but don’t attach to the outcomes too closely. Be open to the possibility that you may be led in an entirely different direction.

From a young age, I wanted to be a professional athlete.

I worked tirelessly for years to achieve this goal.

My mind pinned my self-worth to this outcome. Anything short of playing professional sports was failure.

I see now that my mind lied to me. I am worthy because I exist. My self-worth doesn’t depend on any specific result (yours doesn’t either).

The lie is so deeply rooted in my mind, however. I’m still hooked by it.

You can and should make a plan to manifest your deepest desires. I’ve written previously about how to do this.

But to attach your self-worth to anything outside yourself is fools gold.

Singer has written a third book, “Living Untethered,” that I haven’t read yet, but plan to read soon.

I can’t recommend his work enough.

It’s made a profound impact on my mental health.

Here’s a summary of my main takeaways:

• YOU are not the thoughts the mind thinks nor the emotions the body feels. YOU are the one whom notices those thoughts and emotions.

• Process the thoughts and emotions you experience through awareness, curiosity, release, and action.

• You don’t control what happens, but you DO control your response to what happens.

• The thoughts you experience are rarely accurate, at least at first. Don’t believe them right away.

• You are worthy because you exist. You don’t have to achieve anything to earn your worth.

Thank you for reading!

See you next week.

Matt