I was six years old and in Kindergarten.

It was May and beautiful spring weather was in full force in Iowa.

I went to school like every other day, put my backpack and jacket in my cubby, and sat down in my normal spot for “Circle Time.”

We talked about today’s date and the weather like usual, then Mrs. Switzer made a surprise announcement:

Later that day we would be walking to the park to play and enjoy the nice weather!

Everyone cheered…

Except me.

I panicked.

My mind started racing:

• The park is SO far away (on the other side of town).

• What if I get lost?

• What if we’re not back in time and my mom doesn’t know where I am when she tries to pick me up?

I broke into tears in front of the entire class.

Mrs. Switzer and her aide comforted me and helped me settle down, but my anxiety persisted throughout the day.

I had another panic attack right before we left for the park in the afternoon. Mrs. Switzer helped me calm down once again.

We left for the park and shortly thereafter I realized we WEREN’T going to the park across town, but instead to the playground next to the town swimming pool which was DIRECTLY across the street from my house!

I felt SO relieved.

I also felt embarrassed for having cried. Had I just known WHICH park we were going to, I would have been just as excited as my classmates.

This story provides a perfect introduction to the nature of thought and how our thoughts affect our emotions and behaviors in significant ways.

The Model

I hired Darin Wilson as a life coach in 2020 and worked with him for more than two years.

Darin taught me the CTFAR model for working with my thoughts and emotions.

The letters stand for: Circumstances, Thoughts, Feelings, Actions, and Results.

Think of the model as a chain of events:

The results become the next set of circumstances, starting the cycle again.

The key levers in the model are in the middle (TFA) because these are what you can control.

You can INFLUENCE your circumstances and results, but you CAN’T control them.

How you’re “feeling” (your emotions) is the most immediately accessible factor. Get in touch with how and what you’re feeling first, then you’ll be able see how your thoughts and actions are connected though your emotions.

In my example above, I was FEELING anxiety and fear, which caused me to cry (ACTION).

Here were some of the THOUGHTS that caused the anxiety and fear:

• The park is SO far away.

• What if I get lost?

• What if we’re not back in time and my mom doesn’t know where I am when she tries to pick me up?

These thoughts are the key. My six-year-old self was making a couple common thought errors:

• I was worrying about possible future negative outcomes.

• I was predicting that things will turn out badly and convinced this prediction was a fact.

• I was misinterpreting the circumstances (assuming the trip was to the park across town).

The kindergarten version of myself wasn’t equipped to process and manage what was happening in the moment, but imagine what might have happened had I not made these thought errors and responded differently:

• I could have asked which park we were going to.

• I could have asked asked if we would be back in time for my mom to pick me up.

The answers to these questions certainly would have changed my thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Here’s a critical takeway for you, the reader:

Avoid assuming that your thoughts are abolutely true. Ask questions (to others and/or yourself) to verify the validity of your thoughts.

How To Use the CTFAR Model

You can use the CTFAR model in two ways: reactively and proactively.

Using the Model Reactively

To use the model reactively, reflect on a past circumstance and examine your subsequent thoughts, emotions, actions, and results.

I was using the model reactively in my example above about my six-year-old self.

Here’s another hypothetical example:

• C = My boss asked to meet with me.

• T = I must have done something wrong. I hope she’s not upset with me.

• F = Anxiety

• A = I didn’t sleep well.

• R = My boss wanted an update on the project she assigned last week. I wasn’t prepared to give a detailed update.

Using the model reactively is a great journaling exercise to help you develop your “awareness muscles” for future circumstances.

Using the Model Proactively

There are two ways to use the model proactively:

• Correcting thought errors

• Setting goals

Correcting Thought Errors

When you become aware of an uncomfortable feeling, ask yourself (and answer) a few questions:

1. What thoughts are causing me to feel this way?

2. Are these thoughts absolutely true?

3. What else might be true?

For example, if you feel anxious because your boss asked to meet with you, the following might be your answers to these three questions:

1. I must have done something wrong. I hope she’s not upset with me.

2. No. I can’t think of anything I’ve done wrong.

3. Maybe she wants to congratulate me on the sale I closed last week; or maybe she wants an update on the project she assigned.

Asking these questions may not completely change your outlook, but brainstorming alternatives to the worst-case scenario will help calm the anxiety.

Also, the possibility that she may want an update on the project will motivate you to prepare a good answer.

Goal Setting

When you have a particular goal you want to accomplish or outcome you want to deliver, you can use the model proactively by “reverse engineering” the process. This won’t guarantee success, but WILL give you the best chance for achieveing your desired results.

For this method, work backwards through the model:

• What RESULTS do you want?

• What ACTIONS will make the result most likely?

• What FEELINGS will motivate me to take the necessary actions?

• What THOUGHTS will produce these desired feelings?

• How can I influence my CIRCUMSTANCES to set myself up for success?

Here’s an example:

I want to lose 50 pounds in the next year (RESULT).

To lose 50 pounds, I need to (ACTIONS):

• Average a calorie deficit of 500 per day.

• Exercise for at least 30 minutes every day

To take these actions consistently, I will need to FEEL:

• Motivated

• Disciplined

• Resilient

The following THOUGHTS will help me feel motivated, disciplined, and resilient:

• I am capable of losing weight.

• I have what it takes to lose weight.

• I’ve lost weight before.

• If Adam can do it, I can too.

• I’ll get right back on track (for when you overeat or miss a workout).

I will set up my environment for success (influencing CIRCUMSTANCES):

• I will only keep healthy foods in my house.

• I will plan every meal for the following week on Sundays.

• I will buy a treadmill and weight set for the basement.

• I will hire a coach (or ask a friend) to hold me accountable.

YOUR Next Steps

Here’s your homework if you want to get better at using the CTFAR Model to help optimize your life:

1. Once a day for the next week, write out a reactive model in your journal about something that happened that day (or in your past).

2. Every evening the following week, write a proactive model in your journal about a result you want to achieve the next day.

The first step will get you accustomed to the model and significantly increase your awareness of you thoughts and emotions.

As your awareness grows, using the model proactively will be easier and more natural.

Eventually, with continued practice, your mind will run the model seamlessly as you go about your days. You’ll notice emotions that arise, connect them to your thoughts, correct thought errors, and act accordingly on autopilot.

Using the CTFAR Model, your mind will become a supercomputer, programmed to optimize your life.

That’s it for this edition of “THE Newsletter.” If you found this useful, please consider the following:

• Click here to follow me on X for more useful content.

• Reply to this email and let me know what was most helpful.

• If you’d like free coaching with the CTFAR Model, click here to schedule a 30-minute introductory Zoom meeting.

Thank you!

Matt